Sunday, 29 June 2014

Dat where dem gone!

Jaffa catch lots of little lizards to play wif but dem always disappear. She do not know where dem gone.
Sometimes our Mummy get dem and put dem back outside in de garden but today my Gwand-ma and my Gwand-da find lots of dem.
Dem littel lizards wun under de carpet in de family woom. It a bootiful big purple carpet what Bernie likes to have a little snooze on in de mornings.
Dem little lizards wun unnerneaf it and you know what happen next? Someone walk on dat carpet and dem liitle lizards gets squished squashed squushed flat as a flat fing.
My Gwand-ma was sweeping de floor in de family woom and dis time she say to Gwand-da "Can you hold the sides of the carpet up so I can sweep under it a bit please?" She do not yous-you-ally do dat so dis time dey finds lots and lots of squished lizards. Bernie count 8 of dem. My Mummy say dat Jaffa is naughty and she should not bwing dose little lizards inside and she should not play wif dem. She should only play wif ping pong balls cos dem does not wun unnerneaf de carpet. Dat silly. How can ping pong balls wun anywhere? Dem has not got legs and foots or even paws. Mummy silly.
Luv fwom Bernie
PS Me still loves my Mummy even if she silly sometimes.

Friday, 27 June 2014

A Vewy Bad and Tewwible Fing

A vewy bad and tewwible fing happen. We wun out of pussy cat dindins. Oh No! Poor pussy cats! We only had one little tin left dis morning so we has to share and have only half a tin each for bweakfast. Of course we got a huge big bag of vewy yummy dwy food but dat don't count.
Anyway clever Jaffa come to de wescue.
She catch a birdie and we eat dat. Jaffa is a vewy good bird catcher. She be de same colour as de tan bark on de garden and so de birdies do not see her coming. And she jump fast and get dem. Good on ya Jaffa! Dem birdies is yummy and cwunchy.
Luv fwom Bernie

Wednesday, 25 June 2014

Helping wif de dindins

Evewybody knows dat when someone is cooking dindins, Bernie has to help. It is my vewy important job to taste de meat and see if it OK.
Bernie always do dat.
Bernie knows de sound of de micwo-wave oven what we put de meat in to get un fwozen.
Today Bernie was out de fwont of de house and me hear dat micwo-wave oven going. Dat means dat someone is going to cook de dindins and Bernie was not dere to help.
Bernie is a vewy vewy good pussy cat and me knows dat it is my dooty to be dere so me wun to de fwont door and meow and meow but nobody let me in. Don't dem know dat Bernie has to help? What if dat meat not nice? Dem will be vewy sowwy when dem has howwible meat cos Bernie do not taste it.
You know what me has to do? Bernie has to wun wound to de uvver side of de house and go in de cat door vewy quickly and den me jump up on de bench and wun up close to de micwo-wave and look in. Yes dere be some meat in dere getting un fwozen.
Just den Gwand-ma call my Mummy and tell her to take Bernie away while she cooking dindins. WHAT? WHAT SHE TALKIN ABOUT? SHE GONE CWACKERS! BERNIE IS SUPPOSED TO HELP!
Oh Gingies, my Mummy take me away and me nearly got a sore fwoat meowing to get out. Den in de end, after Gwand-ma nearly finished making de din dins and put it in de oven, den my Mummy let me get out and my Gwand-ma give me de little bits of meat she save for Bernie to taste. Yes dem is good so fank goodness for dat!
Luv fwom food tasting Bernie.

Saturday, 21 June 2014

Will my Katy and my Hughie visit me?

My Gwand-ma tell me dat my Katy anbd my Hughie might go and visit dem uvver Gwand-muvver and Gwand-farver soon. Bernie wonderwing if dem will come and visit Bernie too. Bernie likes to see him KAty and him Hughie. Dem can see how Bernie dwive dat car. But maybe Bernie will be too shy to show dem. Oh dear! What happen?
Today my Mummy was cooking sumfing and she make de water too hot and suddenly she say "Oooh Bernie Bernie" but when Bernie wun up to her she say "Oh I didn't mean you Bernie. I meant another burnie." Hmmmph who dat uvver Burnie?" Dere is only allowed to be one Bernie in dis house and dat is ME.
Love fwom de weal Bernie.

Friday, 20 June 2014

Nearly finished learning de woad wules

Bernie is nearly finished learning de woad wules. Soon me is going to go and do de test at de RTA place at de council where my Gwand-da goes for council meetings cos him is Councillor Sleigh cos him got elected. And my Uncle Wick is de Mayor.
Bernie has to do de woad wules test on a puter so me is vewy glad dat me can wite on a puter.
Den Bernie will have a L plates and me can dwive awound wif L plates if my Mummy sits next to me in de car. Jaffa has been pwactising to sit on de accelerwater and den jump on the bwake when Bernie tell her too. She is a vewy dood pussy cat. But we has not weally been dwiving yet. Only in de dwiveway cos Bernie do not have L plates yet.
Luv fwom Bernie.

Monday, 2 June 2014

Got de good idea!

My Katy and my Hughie told me de good idea of how Bernie can weach de steewing wheel and de bwakes at de same time. Dem tell me dat Jaffa can help Bernie.
Oh what a good good idea. Bernie is vewy happy wif dat idea. Now me just has to tell Jaffa to come and learn to dwive de car wif Bernie.
Jaffa can do de accelerwator too. Gwand-ma say Bernie do not need to learn gears cos we got a automatic car. Dat good cos me do not know what gears is.
Me only knows about ears and dem is pointy fings on top of Bernie head.
Luv fwom Bernie