Thursday, 31 March 2011

Losing weight

Hi dere evewybody.
Here is Bernie again.
Today I went out and taste one of does stwawbewwies. It taste Yuk!
Bernie decide dat he wather stay a plump pussy dan eat dose yukky fings.
Heidi was out dere in de vegetable garden wif me.
She ask me why I wants to lose weight. I say dat because when I stand on Gwandma's lap she say "Oooh sit down Bernie you are too heavy"
Heidi say "Why she thay dat Unca bernie?"
And Bernie say "Because my foots pwess too hard on her lap and dem hurt her. "
But when Bernie sit down Gwandma say "Ah that's better"
So Bernie knows dat when he stand up he be too heavy.
So Heidi say "Well why doethn't you jutht thit down all de time Unca Bernie?"
Bernie say "Oh dat a vewy dood idea litta Heidi. Bernie just do dat and den he don't weigh too much."
So Bernie sit down and Heidi say "You can watch me chathing de flutter byes"
Bernie say "Dose is butter flies. Why does you call dem flutter byes?"
Heidi say "Cos dat ith what they do. They flutter by."
"Well " say Bernie "I suppose dat is cowwect. OK I will watch you chasing the flutter bys and while I am sitting here watching I will lose weight.
Dat is vewy good. Sanks you litta Heidi"

And so Bernie knows how to lose weight now.
Lots of love fwom getting skinny Bernie

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Wednesday, 30 March 2011

A Amazing Discovewy

Hi dere to all de peoples what likes my emails,
Today I notice somefing.
When we was out in de backyard lookin at my Mummy's vegetable garden, Heidi went up to my Mummy's stwawbewwy plant and bit off a stwawbewwy and ate it. Den she bit off annuvver stwawbewwy and ate it too.
Now me did not know dat pussy cats like to eat stwawbewwies so me vewy surpwised. Den me fink about it and maybe dat is de sekwet why Heidi be nice and slim.
So now Bernie is going to eat some of dose stwawbewwies and see if he get nice and slim too.
If it work we discover a gweat new diet food.
Once my Gwandma buy me some pussy cat diet food and Bernie eat lots and lots of it. He eat as much as he can fit in his tummy but it don't make me skinny so dat diet food don't work.
Me hopes de stwawbewwies will work.
Luv fwom Bernie.
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Tuesday, 29 March 2011

A vewy exciting idea‏

Hello Evewybody, Bernie and Heidi got a vewy exciting idea. De uvver day we saw on de telebishun dat all de good places has a deaf interpweter doing dat signing. Now Bernie and Heidi has a Aunty who knows how to do dat so we is going to go and bisit her and ask her to show us how to do it. Dat will be vewy dood fun. When we learns how to do dat deaf signing, Bernie and Heidi is going to come in to TEMFM evewy day and we will do dat deaf signing for de wadio. Den all de deaf people will be able to listen to de wadio. Isn't dat a dood idea? We is both vewy excited about dat. Wuv fwom Bernie

Monday, 28 March 2011

Bernie not silly

Hi dere to all de people in wadio land. Bernie is vewy sowwy to say dat today Bernie Gwandma fink Bernie is a silly pussy cat. Bernie Mummy was making de dinner and so Bernie was waiting to taste it. Dat tasting is Bernie's job, He vewy dood at doing his job. Bernie always wait and taste evewy fing dat his Mummy and Gwandma makes. Bernie knows dat when someone stands in de kitchen and do fings on de bench dat it be din dins cookin time so he always take up his post wight near dem to taste what dey making. Bernie always on dooty. Today Bernie's Mummy takes a long time and she will not give Bernie a bit to taste. Bernie Miaow at her vewy loud but she still do not give him a bit to taste. Gwandma say to her "Give him a bit of the plastic packet. Once he knows he does not like it he will go away." Dat bewy silly. Bernie does not like to eat de plastic container. Bernie knows dat is not din dins and he also knows he must stay and do his job. So Bernie do not go away. Bernie wait until he get a bit of dat Vienna Schnitzel to taste it and see if it OK. Bernie is a vewy diligent tasting pussy cat. Luv fwom Bernie. WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Sunday, 27 March 2011

Dis and Dat

Hellow evewybody, Here is Bernie again. Me did not wite a email for Fwiday cos me give Mr. Niklas a west. My Mummy tell me no noos is dood noos so me fink no noos fwom DeBoos is dood for Mr. Niklas since he nearly spit him teef out saying my email fwom de day before. Also our 'puter is choked. We downloaded too many fings and so dey choke us and den de 'puter go vewy slow so it take looooooong time to wite a email. My Mummy goin to fix dat. Today Heidi catch two litta baby mousies. One was a bit sick and it die but de uvver wun away and my Mummy feel sowwy for it and she get it and put it out in de back yard cos it only a baby. My Mummy is a softie. Bernie dont know where Heidi find dose mousies. Dey not in dis house. She find dem outside somewhere. De uvver day a man come to bisit and he goin to build us a new house. Bernie look at dat plan and tell him where he want dood cat doors to go. Bernie very happy to have a cat door again and now he finking about what colour cat doors he want. Dis is lots of finking for a pussy cat. It make Bernie vewy tired so he has to take a nap. Bye bye fwom Bernie. WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Friday, 25 March 2011

Girls' Night Out


Hello evewybody,
Last night was a speshul Girls' Night Out night in Temora. De shops stay open so we can have night shopping.
Gwand-ma and my Mummy get weady and go out for a night shopping time.
Heidi say she a girl so she goin too.
She get a shopping bag and twy to bwing it wif her but she get it all mixed up and she get stuck in it.
She get so tired by de time she get out of it dat she has to have a litta sleep and den it too late.
She say dat don't matter anyway cos she does not like shoppin.
Wuv fwom Bernie.
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Wednesday, 23 March 2011

Mouse Catching Service

Hi dere to all de peoples listening to Bernie's email,
Litta Heidi and me was talkin about how dere is lots of mousies awound de place lately.
We do not have lots here so far because dey know dat some vewy good mousie catching pussy cats lives here so dey do not comes here.
But if any of our listeners wants Bernie or Heidi to come and catch de mousies at deir place, dey can just wing up to TEMFM and ask for us.
We do not charge for doin dis.
It is a community service what we do because we is dood pussy cats.
We calling our business
Bernie's Wegistered Wodent Wetwievals and Wemovals -- incorpowating Heidi'th Thuper-Thpeedy Thmall Trethpather Thquathhing Thervithe.
Luv fwom Bernie

Memowies

Hi dere Evewybody,
Bernie can now go to de 'puter because Aunty Barbi gone home early dis morning.
We always has a dood time when Aunty Barbi bisit. She give Bernie lots of cuddles.
De peoples was talkin about when Bernie was a baby pussy cat.
We lived wif Unca Tim and my cousin Polly Pussy Cat in Canbewwa.
A lady called Lauwen stayed wif us wif her pussy cat called Dibbler because deir flat burned down.
Gwandma was sick and so Polly used to take care of her.
Gwandma say dat Polly be her litta Polly Nightingale cos she a dood nurse.
Den Dibbler jump up and pummle Gwanma and so Gwandma say he be Dr. Dibbler and gib her a dood examination.
She say she got a dood doctor and a dood nurse.
Bernie was litta den but he want to help too so dey tell Bernie he can be de wardsman and keep dat bedwoom clean and tidy by emptying de bins and fings like dat.
So stwaight away Bernie turn awound and jump on a waste paper basket and tip it over and empty it.
Evewybody laugh at litta Bernie. Bernie do not wemember it cos him was just a baby pussy den.
But Bernie laugh when dey tell him last night.
Love fwom Wardsman Bernie.

Tuesday, 22 March 2011

A wed Gene

Hellow Evewybody,
Me sowwy me did not wite dis email last night.
My Aunty Barbi is sleepin in de study and so Bernie could not sneak in and use Gwand-ma 'puter when she go to bed.
Bernie wanted to tell evewybody sumfing vewy important about pussy cats.
Did you know dat pussy cats does not have a wed gene? Pussy cats cannot see wed. (Dat why we do not get angwy)
Anyway if sumfing is purple it look like blue for a pussy cat and owange look like lellow and bwown look like mucky gween.
Bernie knows what colour humans call it because he wemembers dood.
Anyway today my Mummy and Aunty Barbi is going to Wagga to bwing sumone for a ultwa noise.
Dey is going to go to a shop where dey sell jeans.
Bernie hopes dey will buy him a wed one.
Sanks you,
Luv fwom Bernie.

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Sunday, 20 March 2011

Lots of Noos fwom DeBoos


Hello Evewyone
Bernie has lots of noos for you today.
First Bernie dot a hole in his neck what hurts and his Mummy had to bave it and put bwown stuff on it.
Bernie do not like dat cause it hurt and he accidentally bite his Mummy ear.
Oh dear, now Bernie has to fink of how he can say sowwy to his Mummy again.
But Bernie hopes his Mummy unnerstand dat Bernie was hurtin and so he could not help it.
Next Aunty Barbi come to bisit.
Bernie waited for her in de backyard cause she always come down de lane and in de back gate. Bernie know dat so he waited for her.
Wemember dat Bernie is de butler in dis house so when peoples comes he has to say hello to dem and bwing dem in.
But it vewy sad because she could not bwing my dood fwend Brrrrr.
Brrrr is a bootiful pussy cat what lives wif Aunty Barbi.
He is my bestest fwend and he is de only pussy cat what ever send me emails.
Now Brrrrrr is nearly blind and cannot twavel in de car wif Aunty Barbi so he has to wait wif my cousin Lolly.
He used to love twavelling in de car and me got lots of pictures of my dood fwend Brrrrr in his car.
Him and me used to have lots of dood meows togevver.
Den Aunty Barbi do sumfing vewy clever.
She find dat mousie!
It dead and flat inside de blankie where Heidi sleep.
Dat blankie folded up vewy neat. Dat mousie must have wun in between de folds and den got squashed when Heidi sit on top of him and go to sleep.
Or maybe Heidi catch him and put him in dere. You know how she likes to hide fings.
Bernie told Heidi dat when she catch a mousie she must sit on it but she fink he weally mean weally sit on it.
Luv fwom Bernie

Friday, 18 March 2011

Gwandma makes a mess

Hello to my dood blog weaders.
Today Gwandma been making some apwons for all her fwends what are ladies like her.
She makin lots because dey all wants apwons de same wif pwetty hearts embwoidered on de fwont.
Bernie help her by sitting just behind de sewing machine to stop dat silly matewial fwom twying to get out fwon unnder de bit dat goes up and down where it gets sewed.
It always twies to get out of dere. My Gwandma put it in fwom de fwont and it dont stay dere and get sewed. It keep twying to slide out de back. So Bernie sit dere and hold it in.
Soon de noise of dat sewing machine going Brrrrrrr Brrrrrrrr Brrrrrrrr put Bernie to sleep so Bernie has a vewy nice sleep dere listening to dat Brrrrr brrrrr noise.
When Bernie wake up he get up and look awound. Gwandma not dere anymore. She gone back to de kitchen and she cuts more bits of matewial.
But you should see de mess in our house. Bernie see litta bits of matewial all over de place.
Naughty Gwand-ma! What a mess she make.
Lucky she sweep it up before my Mummy come home because my Mummy will wouse at her.
I wonder if my Mummy find her pwetty butterfly yet?

Wuv fwom Bernie

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Thursday, 17 March 2011

Making Amends

Hellow Evewyone,
Bernie did sumfing vewy naughty yesserday.
Him did not mean to do it. Him could not help it but him do it anyway.
We was talkin to Litta Katy and litta Hughie in de litta window on de 'puter.
My Mummy pick me up so I can talk to Hughie but Bernie twist awound and accidentally bite my Mummy on de top lip.
Dat a big accident. Bernie do not want to hurt his Mummy what is de best Mummy in de world.
Bernie Mummy got a vewy sore lip now because Bernie hurt it.
Now Bernie twy to do sumfing for his Mummy to say he is sowwy.
First Bernie talk to Heidi about it. Heidi say "Well you mutht not get her a birdie becauthe thhe doeth not like birdieth."
Oh yes. Bernie glad Heidi wemind him of dat.
So Bernie go and get a gwasshopper. Heidi say, "I'm not thure Aunty Anne will like a grathhopper Unca Bernie"
Bernie just hide dat gwasshopper in his Mummy's shoe and go and find somefing else.
Den Bernie get a dood idea. He go and get lots of his dinner and put it in his Mummy's bed so she can have a snack if she get hungwy in de night time.
Dat make her vewy happy.
But Bernie still like to do sumfing else to say sowwy to his Mummy.
Den Heidi got a good idea. She gone outside and find a butterfly. It get dead when Heidi bite it but dat dont matter. It still pwetty. We put dat butterfly in Mummy's handbag so she find it for a nice surpwise tomowwow.
Luv fwom Bernie

Wednesday, 16 March 2011

Segwegashun of dooties‏

Hello peoples in wadio land,
Dis is Bernie.
Now one of my dood listeners ask me a question. He say "Why do pussy cats sleep so much?"
Dat be a bewy dood question and me glad he ask it because I can explain it to all de listeners.
It be vewy important.
Evewybody do what dey is best at.
My Gwand-da be best at being a pwincipal of de school so he do dat.
My Mummy is a dood knitter and she know how to fix 'puters so when a 'puter bweak she fix it.
My Gwandma do de gardenin, de washing and ironing, de sewing and sometimes she cook din dins.
If din dins is ordinawy my Gwandma cook it but if it be fancy, my Mummy cook it. Dat because she dood at cooking speshul fings.
My Aunty Mavis is dood at dwinkin coffee wif my Gwandma so dat what she do.
Litta Heidi is dood at catching mousies (although she not good at keepin dem) but she learn dat soon.
My Gwandda is a dood washing up person too so he do dat lots of times.
Bernie is a dood house minding pussy cat, and a door answering pussy cat and a cuddle giving pussy cat and also a good sleeping pussy cat.
Bernie is de best sleeper in de house dat why he do lots of sleeping.
Heidi is a dood gawage minding pussy cat so she sleep in de gawage.
Gwand da is de best at talkin on de telephone so he do dat lots of times and my Gwandma is a dood sudoku doing Gwandma so she do de sudoku.
Aunty Mavis also dood at guessing de word in de puzzle in de Noospaper so she do dat lots of times. She also vewy dood at giving head scwatches so Bernie always get a good head scwatch fwom Aunty Mavis.Now me hopes you can unnerstand why pussy cats sleep lots.
It because dem is vewy dood at it and of course evewyone do what dey is best at doing.
Luv fwom Bernie

Tuesday, 15 March 2011

Oh No! Not again!‏

Hi dere evewyone.
Guess what! Dat litta Heidi do it again,
She catch a mousie and bwing it inside to show us all and den she let go of it and it wun away.
First it wun unner de lounge and den it wun in de study.
Heidi can't find dat mousie and Bernie can't find it either.
One day you hear a big skweam when it wun on my Gwandma foot when she in de study.
Bernie tell Heidi she mustn't let go but she so happy she catch a mouse that when evewyone say "Oh look! Heidi caught a mousie! Good Heidi" , then she look up and she so pleased because evewyone say she good that she forget about holding dat mouse wif her paw.
Now Bernie must twy and find it before it make a big mess awound de place.
Childwen can be a gweat burden and she not even my daughter!
But me do love her. She twy to be dood.
And me suppose dat if Bernie catch dat mousie den he can eat it can't he?
Wuv fwom Bernie.
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Monday, 14 March 2011

Catching a long white stwiped snake‏

Hello Evewybody,
Here is Bernie.
Me vewy sowwy about yesserday.
My 'puter was a naughty puter and would not turn on.
Den my Mummy did sum fing to it and fixed it.
She vewy clever.
Today Gwandma was sewing.
Whenever she is cutting out matewial, dere is a long white flat snake wif black stwipes and numbers on it what comes and twies to bite her.
Bernie sees it wiggling down fwom de table and he always twies to catch it and bite it so it will not bite his Gwandma.
Sumtimes it goes awound her neck and sumtimes it does funny flips along de matewial.
Sumtimes Bernie pulls hard and makes it come on de floor and den he bite it hard and put his paws on it to make it hold still.
Today Heidi come and help Bernie.
We pull it on de floor and bite it lots of times and den it stop wiggling so we know it dead.
We don't eat it cause it dont taste vewy nice.
Den Gwandma say "Where's my tape measure? Oh it is on the floor"
Den she pick it up.
She lucky it dead uvverwise it bite her.
Den she say "Oh yuk someone's been chewing it!"
mmph! She do not say "Sanks you" to de two good pussies who saved her fwom gettin bit by dat naughty tape measure snake.
Sometimes Gwandma just does not appweciate Bernie and Heidi.
I sure my dood listeners and blog weaders would be gwateful if Bernie kill a tape measure snake before it bite dem.
Wuv fwom Bernie
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Mummy home

Hello to blogweaders
Bernie is bewy happy now 'cause his Mummy is home.
Bernie was meowing and meowing because he could not find her. Now she is home again and Bernie happy.
Dis was a sekwet last week but me can tell you now.
Me and my Gwandma made a Ballewina Bear for Katy for her Birfday. Bernie do not put sekwet's about birfday pwesents on his blog before de person's birfday because if dat person wead his blog den it spoil de surpwise.
But now it is after Katy birfday so Bernie can put it on his blog and tell evewyone dat it be a vewy pwetty Ballewina Bear. My Gwandma put a picture of dat Ballewina Bear on her Knitting and Sewing and Gardening blog.
My Gwandma not as dood at doing blogs as Bernie is.
Wuv fwom Bernie
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Saturday, 12 March 2011

Happy Birfday to Katy

Hello evewybody,
Today is 12 March and it be a vewy speshul day. It be Katy birfday.
Bernie send her a ecard wif pussy cats singin Happy Birfday.
It vewy cute.
Me hope she like dat ecard.
Early dis mornin, Mr O'Wafferty come wif his fwee boys and dey cut down dat twee out de back what dead and fallin down.
Bernie and Heidi locked in de garage. We get a big fwight fwom dat noise but we safe in de gawage.
When we come out, dere be bwanches awound evewywhere.
Dey also fix dat fence what fallin down.
My Gwandda come home yesserday and My Mummy come home tomowwow.
My Mummy wead my blog to some new fwends called Chwis and Jacynta, and Taleisha and Isabella and Mitchell.
Dey larffing at my blog. Me glad dey like it.
Me hope dem put a comment so me can see what dey fink about dis blog.
and say Happy Birfday to Katy.
Wuv fwom Bernie

Thursday, 10 March 2011

Wailing at de moon

Hello evewybody again.
Here is Bernie to tell you about sumfing dat litta Heidi do today.
Bernie hear a funny noise like "wooo wooo wooo"
He go and have a look and he find litta Heidi sitting dere on the fwont vewandah makin dat noise.
Bernie say "What you doin litta Heidi?" Heidi say "I ith howling at the moon"
"Howling at moon?" say Bernie. "Only Puppy dogs howl at de moon. Not pussy cats"
"Well what doeth Puthy catth do? " asked Litta Heidi.
Bernie tell her "Pussy cats wail - we say Meow Meoooooow Meooooowwww"
So she say "Oh" and then she start going Meooooow Meooooow.
Bernie say "But what you wailing at Litta Heidi?" She say "I ith wailing at the moon"
Bernie say "Dat is not de moon. Dat is de chair what Aunty Mavis sit on when she waiting for gwandma to go for a walk in de mornin."
Heidi say "Well I doeth not know what the moon look like" so Bernie tell her dat it is wound and lellow.
So then she comes inside.
A few minutes later Bernie hears a Meoooow Meooooow noise comin fwom de kitchen.
He goes to de kitchen and Litta Heidi is sittin on de bench wailing at de apple pie what Gwandma made.
Oh dat litta pussy cat dwive me nuts.
She cute but ....
I tell her dat de moon is in de sky in de night time and dere is no moon tonight cos it not de cowwect moon time.
I tell her she has to wait a few days and soon she see a new moon and after a while it gwow big and wound.
She say "OK Unca Bernie" and goes to have some din dins.
Phew I hope she forget about wailing at moons by de time dat full moon come.
Wuv fwom Bernie
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Wednesday, 9 March 2011

Vewy happy but a bit sad pussy cats‏

Hi dere to evewyone again today.
Here is Bernie.
Phew Heidi and me is vewy welieved.
Litta Katy wote a message on my bernie blog dat de cats heads what Gwandma and Aunty Mavis was talkin about is weeds not Heidi and Bernie heads so we will be able to keep our moufs and eyes and whiskers and nose and ears after all.
I wun stwaight away over to Claude place and tell Heidi she can come home cos it is safe. She come wunning home so fast she leave her gum nuts at Claude place. Oh well she got plenty here.
So all is well in DeBoos stweet again - except for one uvver litta fing.
Bernie Mummy is bisiting Polly in Canbewwa and Bernie miss her sooooo much. She be home in about 3 days which is about 12 sleeps. You know pussy cats has lots of sleeps. Bernie go out on de fwont vewandah evewy day when it time for her to come home fwom work but she do not come and den Bernie meow and meow awound de place lookin for her.
Den he wemember dat she away bisiting Polly and so Bernie has to get a big cuddle fwom Gwandma.
Last time Bernie Mummy go away she gone for nearly fwee years in Edinburry.
Dat when Bernie has to send emails to his Mummy all de time.
Dat when he learn to wite emails.
But now we just all waitin for Bernie Mummy to come home again.
Wuv fwom Bernie.
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Tuesday, 8 March 2011

Still vewy wowwied pussy cats

Hello Evewybody.
Bernie and Heidi is still vewy wowwied pussy cats. De uvver day, Heidi hear Gwandma and Aunty Mavis talkin about how they must get wid of de cats heads.
We need our heads and we asks all our listeners to tell us what to do.
Heidi was twying to hide her head but we could always see where her head was because we could see her back legs and bum and tail stickin out.
Bernie twies to do dood fings wif his head so Gwandma can see dat Bernie head is worf keepin.
Today I see Heidi walkin out and I say to her "Where you goin litta Heidi?"
She say "uooommph ooom ummmff"
I say "Heidi what you got in your mouf? Bernie can't unnerstand you. Please spit dat out and den tell me where you goin"
So Heidi spit out a whole mouf full of gum nuts.
Bernie say "Where you goin wif all dose gumnuts?" Heidi likes playing wif gumnuts. I alweady told our dood listeners about how she play wif gum nuts but she usually only play wif one at a time.
She say "Me going to live with Mithter Claude"
"Oh dear," says me. "Is you goin to get mawwied to Mr Claude?"
"Don't be thilly Unca Bernie. You ith tho old fathhioned. You doethn't have to be married to live with thomeone"
"Well why you goin to live with Mr. Claude then?" asks Bernie "Does you love him?"
"Well I liketh Mithter Claude. He ith my friend. But I loveth my head and he thay Mr. Nicklath doeth not get rid of catth headth tho I go and live with Mithter Claude"
So that explains it.
Please will someone give us a new solution to our pwoblem.
Maybe dey could email me at baronbernie@live.com or leave a message on my blog at baronbernie.blogspot.com
It be vewy sad if Heidi go to live somewhere else and Mr. Nicklas might not want anuvver pussy cat.
Luv fwom Bernie

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Monday, 7 March 2011

Some Tempowawy solutions

Hi dere evewyone.
Heidi and Bernie has some tempowary solutions to de pwoblem I tell you about yesserday.
Heidi twying to hide her head so Gwandma wont get wid of it when she get wid of all de cats heads.
She hide her head behind de lounge and behind de door and under de bed. So all we can see of Heidi now is a tummy and two back legs wif a bum and a tail stickin up.
Bernie tell her "It no use litta Heidi. Evewyone know dat your head is wight near your tummy so dey can find your head easy as soon as dey see your bum and your tail."
But she just cwy and say "Oh Unca Bernie what we do?"
Bernie has anuvver idea.
Today Gwandma doing some sewing so Bernie help her wif his head so Gwandma will fink Bernie head is vewy useful.
First Bernie lean his head on de sewing machine to stop de material moving when it goes under de little bit what jumps up and down.
Den Bernie wub his head on dose sissors and push dem on de floor cos we dont want dose dangewous fings on de table near us.
Bernie hear Gwandma say dat she dont like bits of cotton evewywhere so he bite dat cotton weel and tell it to stop leavin bits of cotton awound.
You see Bernie head is vewy helpful so maybe Gwandma will not want to get wid of it.
But we not sure.
Please please can someone tell us poor pussy cats what we should do.
Sanksyou in anti pissiation
Wuv fwom Bernie

Sunday, 6 March 2011

A sewious pwoblem

Hello Mr Nicklas and all dose lovely peoples in wadio land,
Me hopes you had a dood west and feelin dood.
Bernie is glad dat you is back because him and Heidi got a bad pwoblem and we needs people to help us find out what to do.
The uvver day, Heidi hear Gwandma and Aunty Mavis talkin about the garden. Then they say "We must get rid of those cats heads"
Heidi comes wunning to me and says "Unca Bernie, Aunty Mavith tell Gwandma that thhe hath to get rid of the catth headth. Unca Bernie, Our eyeth are in our headth. How can we thee if we dont have eyeth?"
Bernie fink about dat and he say "Hmmm maybe we has to smell where we goin. Cats can smell vewy dood you know"
But Heidi say "Oh Unca Bernie, our notheth ith in our headth too tho how can we thmell without our notheth?"
"Hmmm" says Bernie, "Maybe we use our whiskers to feel where we goin" But Heidi still not happy. She say "But Unca Bernie, Our whithkerth ith thtuck on our headth. Tho if our headth be gone, then our whithkerth be gone too"
"Well could we hear where we are going then?" asked me."Well no" say litta Heidi. She vewy wowwied about dis. She say "Our earth ith on our headth too"
Bernie say "Well I sure we fink of sumfing" and den Heidi say "And Unca Bernie, How we eat our din dinth? Our mouf ith in our headth too so if we dont have our headth then we cant eat our din dinth"
Den Bernie sit up stwaight and say "Oh no litta Heidi! Why don't you say dat first of all? Dat is bewy important. How can we eat our din dins. Dis is tewwible. We has to find out what to do before Gwandma get wid of our heads."
So Mr. Nicklas, Maybe some listeners can tell us poor pussy cats what to do if Gwandma wants to get wid of our cats heads.
Maybe we has to wun away which would be vewy sad cos we love our Gwandma and Gwand da and Mummy.
Luv fwom fwightened Bernie.

Saturday, 5 March 2011

A litta Lizard

Today Heidi bwing a litta lizard into de lounge woom.
Dat poor litta lizard got such a big fwight when Heidi pick him up dat his tail fall off so he look a bit funny wifout his tail.
Gwandma and Gwand-da get dat lizard in a paper bag and bwing him out to anuuver place in de garden and put him where Heidi cannot find him.
We hopes.
Bernie twy to tell Heidi dat she must not catch litta lizards but she always forget. She get so excited when she see one dat she can't help catching it.
One day she will learn.
Wuv fwom Bernie
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Friday, 4 March 2011

Miss my Mummy alweady

Hello dere peoples,
My Mummy gone to bisit my Unca Tim and Aunty Lily and stay at deir house and mind my cousin, Polly, for a whole week. Dat is about firty sleeps.
Bernie misses her alweady.
Dis evening Bernie went over to bisit Mr Claude when Gwandma go and feed him.
Gwandma call and call but Mr Claude do not come home.
We do not know where he gone.
Maybe he bisit anuvver girlfwend but dont tell Heidi.
We leave his din dins outside unner dat chair so he can eat it when he come home.
Bernie has a litta taste but he dont eat much just a tiny taste cos dat is Claude Din dins.
Den we walk all de way back home.
When Gwandma see how Bernie cwoss de woad she say Bernie is a bewy bewy dood pussy cat.
Bernie look all awound to see if dere be any cars coming and den when he hear a car he look all wound to see if it coming past here.
When a car go down de uvver stweet Bernie stop and wait and see if it turn awound in our stweet. Bernie bewy careful.
Gwandma say Bernie extweemely clever and dood.
Wuv fwom careful woad cwossing Bernie.

Anuvver Mousie

Hi to evewybody.
Today Bernie catch anuvver mousie.
He bwing it in to his Mummy bedwoom again to show her.
Den He start eating it.
Mummy goes "Yech!" Dat is a speshul word what mean "Wow you is a cleber pussy cat to catch dat tasty mousie".
Bernie eat it all up but he leaves a bit for his Mummy.
His Mummy say "Yucky!" Dat is anuvver special word what means "Thankyou Bernie for leaving me a juicy bit of mousie to eat"
Bernie vewy happy today cos he catch a mouse and his Mummy is pwoud of him.
Wuv fwom Bernie.
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Thursday, 3 March 2011

Bernie is de butler

Hello evewybody
Bernie discover dat he can say Hello after all. He do not need to say hewwo.
He gettin dood.
Did you all know dat in dis house Bernie has de job of bein de butler.
Dat is because Bernie has de best ears and he always know when sumone coming to dis house.
Sometimes Bernie is outside and he hear a car stop at our place.
Den he wuns wound de fwont vewy fast so he can see who comes and Bernie invite dem in.
Bernie is vewy polite to bisitors especially ones what give him a tummy tickle.
Sumtimes Bernie is inside de house and he hear a car stop out de fwont of our house.
Bernie go to de fwont door and say "Meow" so Gwand-ma or Gwand-da or Bernie Mummy know dat someone is coming.
Evewybody in dis house finks Bernie is a vewy dood butler and all our fwends like it when Bernie let dem in and say Meow.
Bernie likes it too when peoples come cos dey all gib Bernie a tummy tickle.
Wuv fwom Bernie
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW (For Hugh, not for Katy)

Wednesday, 2 March 2011

Ah so dat explain it

Hi dere all you peoples in blogland!
Here is dood ol ' Bernie witing for you all again.
Gwand-da wead my blog and he tell Gwand-ma dat maybe sumone should tell Bernie what happening yesserday.
Why was Gwand-da goin in out in out all day?
Cos him was vewy busy and him server at school was down and him had to come home to do 'puter stuff.
Oh dear.
Peoples can be silly.
If dat server down, why don they just put it back up?
Dat easy.
Even Bernie know dat.
But Gwand-da still dont have a tail so maybe him not turning into a pussy cat after all.
Dat is good cos we does not have enough pussy cat din dins for fwee pussy cats.
Wuv fwom Bernie.
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Tuesday, 1 March 2011

Quiet day

Today be vewy quiet.
Mummy at work
Gwandma at de wadio station
Gwand-da at school
But Gwand-da keeps coming home again and den going back to school
In out in out in out like pussy cats do.
In out in out in out in out
Is Gwand-da turning into a pussy cat?
Bernie had a look.
Gwand-da do not have a tail like a pussy cat.
He got some fur on him face like a pussy but him do not have big whiskers stickin out.
But what about all dis in out in out in out like a pussy cat?
Jus so long as he don't eat all our pussy cat din dins!!!

Ooooooh Gwand-da will be a biiiiig pussy cat.

I fink I go and hide somewhere for a litta while.

Wuv fwom Bernie
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW