Thursday, 26 January 2012

Playing twicks on mummy

Heehee hee. Today my gwand da and me pwayed a twick on my mummy! Gwand da was dwiving dat car what doesn't make any noise and I camed out to buttle dem in when dey stopped dat car. But I pwetended dat I didn't hear dat car and I went and I sat on the woad in fwont of dat car.

Den Gwand da dwove over and he made a SKWAAASH noise and my mummy gotted angwy at him!

Den she got out of dat car and she went awound to the back and I was lying dere, pwetending I was skwashed! Hehee. My Mummy got such a fwight!

Me and Gwand da are bewy funny and we is still laffing about it now.

Hee hee hee

Tuesday, 24 January 2012

What I do today

My Gwand-ma say to me"What are you going to write in your blog today Mr. Bern? What have you been doing today?"
Bernie has to fink about dat.
First me go and have a litta snack cos dat always helps pussy cats to fink about fings.
Den me lies down in de middle of de lounge woom floor for a long fink.
Me finking and finking and finking.
Den me sit up in a sphinx way lookin at de fwont door.
Me finking and finking and finking.
But den me forgot what me was finking about.
Pussy cats are not vewy dood at finking.
Me look all awound and me twitch my ears and me look awound again but me do not wemember what me finking about.
Oh Bovver!
Me can hear dat washing machine going prrrrrrr prrrrrr prrrrr.
It fink it is a pussy cat.
Just den me look acwoss and me can see my dindins plate. Ah dat a dood idea! Me go and have some more dindins.
Luv fwom Bernie

Monday, 23 January 2012

A noo visitor

Today Bernie be a vewy important butler cos we got a noo visitor.
It be de noo person wot comes to be our noo farver sumfink cos Farver Phil is going to wetire like my Gwand-da.
It be Farver Simon.
Bernie waiting at de fwont door to bwing him in but guess what? Him go wound de back wif Farver Phil. Dat wot Farver Phil always do.
Bernie waiting dere for nuffing.
But when Aunty Mavis going home after din dins, Bernie take her out de fwont door like a pwoper butler.
Bernie wun down de fwont parf and show her where to go to her car.
Now Bernie is happy cos he can be a pwoper butler.
Luv fwom Bernie

Sunday, 22 January 2012

Bernie is a Legend

My Mummy is vewy pwoud of Bernie. She say "Bernie you are a legend"
Bernie go into dat ensuite cos his Mummy gone in dere. My Mummy gone to de human litter and Bernie want to go to de kitty litter. But Bernie cannot find a kitty litter. Bernie walkin awound wif him legs cwossed and saying Miaow which means "Oooh me can't find de kitty litter"
My Mummy say "You can use de dwain Mr Bern." So Bernie do his wee down de dwain. My Mummy say "OOh Bernie you are so clever, you are a legend. Bernie twy to cover it up by skwatching on de litta wound dwain but dat don't work so my Mummy pour some water and wash it down de dwain.
Bernie is a vewy clever wefined hygenic  house twained cat.
Luv fwom Bernie

Saturday, 21 January 2012

A squweaming fwoggie

Yesserday after Bernie wite his blog, me go outside and sitting on de back vewandah.
Just den Heidi find a litta fwoggie. It be one of dem squweaming fwoggies. When dey get a big fwight dey squweam vewy loud.
Heidi wanted to play wif it but Bernie know dat we should not hurt dem litta fwoggies cos dem be speshul Austwalian  native fwoggies so Bernie sit between dat fwoggie and Heidi. Dat poor litta fwoggie still squeaming and den my Gwand-ma hear it and she come wunning out and call my Gwand-da and my Mummy. Dem get lights and dat poor litta fwoggie jump on de wire fence wot is dere for de sweet peas to climb up.
It hanging on vewy tight and de light get in it litta shiny eyes so it too fwightened to move. My Mummy get a big jar and she get dat litta fwoggie and she take it away somewhere nice and safe so Heidi will not find it.
It vewy cute. My Mummy ask it if she can take a litta pickcha of it and it say yes and it say sanks you to my Mummy cos she wescue it.
Today be my Gwand-da birfday and we sings Happy Birfday to him.
Luv fwom Bernie


Friday, 20 January 2012

Late blog

Oh dear,
It be vewy late and me did not wite my blog.
Me was vewy busy today back on butler duty.
Me learned a noo fing about butlers.
De vewy best polite butlers does not wun in de house in fwont of the people what is coming in.
De vewy best politest butlers stands back and waits for dem peoples to go in first.
Now dat what Bernie do dese days.
Bernie is de vewy best butler in de world.
Soon Bernie might get a medal for bein a dood butler.
But how can Bernie pin on a medal?
It will hurt if Bernie has to stick it in him skin.
Oh dear how can Bernie wear his medal for bein a dood butler?
Now me vewy wowwied about dat.
Luv fwom Bernie.

Thursday, 19 January 2012

Wasted time

Bovver! Me wasted all dat time sitting on dat  'puter mouse waiting for it to hatch into a mousie and now my Katy tell me it is not a egg.
Bernie is having twouble findin somewhere to sit. Today me was just going to sleep snuggled up on Gwand-da shoe which is a vewy nice comfy place to sleep and Gwand-da say "Hey Bernie get off my shoe I need to put it on"
Dat a wude fing to say when a poor pussy is twying to have a dood sleep.
Den today Bernie was twying to talk to evewybody about all sorts of fings and dey keep saying "What do you want Mr Bern?"  Then someone say "Where is Heidi?" and someone else say "Oh she is sensible, she is outside sleeping under a bush where it is nice and cool"
But Bernie can't go outside and sleep unner dat bush cos Bernie is twying to help evewybody do dat packing so we can move to our nice noo house.
I wish people would know dat Bernie is a dood helping pussy cat.
Luv fwom Bernie

Wednesday, 18 January 2012

A dood idea about mouses

Me know me alweady wite in my blog today but me got such a dood idea dat me has to wite in my blog again.
Bernie was wondering why evewybody use a wound fing called a mouse. It do not look like a mouse. Bernie was lookin at his Mummy mouse and me was just finking how it do not look like a mouse when suddenly me fink "It look wound. It look like a egg. Maybe it be a mouse egg"
So Bernie be sitting on it to hatch it.
My Mummy come and say "Bernie don't sit on my mouse" Now how I going to hatch dat mouse egg? Me has to wait until she go to sleep and me will sit on it again. Wont she get a big surpwise when Bernie hatches out a little mousie?
Luv fwom Bernie

Hair combing

Hello to all my dood fwends wot weads my blog
Today peoples been going in an out. Gwand-da go to help Farver Phil move to his noo house, den him come home and go to de doctor (Dat is a human vet) and my Gwand-ma and my Mummy goes to do Meals on Wheels.
Den My Mummy and my Gwand-da  goes to de tip and ...and... My Mummy and my Gwand-ma goes to check sumfing at our noo house.
All of dis coming and going!
Evewy time dem go somewhere dem say "Better comb my hair" So Bernie fink "Ooh me better lick my fur too". So Bernie been lickin and lickin all day.
Me wish dey stay home and forget about dat hair. Who care about dat hair?
Me sick of lickin and lickin.
Stay home everybody and stop saying "Better comb hair".
Luv fwom Bernie

Tuesday, 17 January 2012

Heidi to de wescue.

Bernie has to tell evewybody about how we sortin out fings for when we moves into our noo house. Gwand-da and Gwand-ma puts fings in boxes and Bernie is vewy busy helpin. When dey get a box, Bernie jump in it and see if it dood. Sometimes Bernie has a litta sleep in it. Den Gwand-da put lots of books on top of Bernie and he close up dat box. Den Bernie wake up and he say "Miaow" what means "get me outa here" but Gwand-da say "Ooh my books are talking like a pussy cat. I think they said "Where is the tomato sauce" So Bernie say "Miaow" again fwom inside de box and den Gwand-da say "Oh no! my books say 'What's on the television?' I wonder why they want to know what is on the television?" Den Bernie get cwanky and he say MIAOW vewy loudly and den Gwand-da say "Oh my books want some din dins." So Bernie say MIAOW VEWY VEWY Loudly and then Gwand-da say "Oh my books said "get off my tail" Those are the silliest books. They don't even have tails. But Gwand-ma say "Well I heard someone say that the tail end of one of those books was a bit of a flop" and Gwand-da say "But that is not the sort of tail you can stand on". Then they go away and have a cup of tea. Then litta Heidi come past and she hear Bernie calling fwom inside dat box. She jump up on it and knock it over and me get out. Den Gwand-da say "Ooh look Bernie was in the box. It was not the books talking after all" but Bernie just go away outside and have a west out dere. Me not going to help wif anymore box checking. Luv fwom Bernie

Monday, 16 January 2012

Bernie do cwossword puzzles

Bernie wun to 'puter so he can wite on his blog stwaight away. Bernie is a vewy clever cwossword doing pussy cat. Gwand-ma and Gwand-da always do cwosswords. Gwand-ma say "What is a pussy cat noise for "Where is the tomato sauce?" and stwaight away Bernie say "Miaow" and Gwand-ma say "That's right Bernie. You are such a clever pussy cat". Bernie vewy pleased wif hisself. Now Bernie has to wun back and hear what de next clue is. Luv fwom Bernie.

Sunday, 15 January 2012

Pussy cat talk

De Uvver day evewybody say to Bernie "Bernie what you want? Why are you miaowing all the time??" Oh dem is so silly. Why do Bernie miaow? Bernie miaow cos him is talkin to evewybody of course. Dat why pussy cats say miaow. Dat is pussy cat talking. It not pussy cat singing or pussy cat finking - pussy cats do not fink much - and it is certainly not pussy cat farting. It is pussy cat talking. Now for all dem silly people what do not unnersatnd pussy cat talkin, now me tells you what it mean. When Bernie say "miaow" vewy vewy loudly dat mean "Get off my tail" When Bernie say "miaow" vewy loudly dat mean "Where my dindins?" When Bernie say "miaow" loudly dat mean "Where someone gone? Pussy cats do not say de name of de person what is gone cos you alweady knows dat. Pussy cats does not say fings wot dem do not need to say. When Bernie say "Miaow" at de door, dat means "let me in" or "let me out" When Bernie walks awound de kitchen and say "miaow" dat means "It time you cooked dindins and let Bernie have a taste. Dere is lots of uvver fings what pussy cats say. Here is a list of dem: Miaow - dat mean "Hows about you make me a nice new dindins? Miaow - dat one means "Me want a cuddle" Miaow - dat mean "Me want a dwink" Miaow - dat mean "Why doesn't you play wif Bernie" Miaow - Where de tomato sauce? Miaow - De postman came Miaow - What on de telebishun? Miaow - Get off dat chair cos Bernie want to sit on it. Now me hope you wemember all dem. Now you can unnerstand Bernie and don't say "What you want Mr. Bern?" Luv fwom Bernie'

Saturday, 14 January 2012

Days are silly

Today be a ordinawy day just like all de uvver ordinawy days.
It start wif a morning, den it have a middle and den it have a afternoon and den it have a night time.
Dat is a silly way to have a day.
Bernie do not like mornings.
Evewybody is asleep.
Bernie has to miaow and miaow for din dins.
Bernie's Mummy say "Go away Bernie it is only 5 o'clock.'
Dat silly. Dat clock just sit dere and it do not know about mornings. And it tell fibs. It should say "It time to get Bernie dindins"
Bernie want days wot start wif de middle when evewybody is awake and dem can get Bernie din dins.
Dat de best idea.
Bernie do a patishun and who we send our patishun to?
Luv fwom Bernie

Friday, 13 January 2012

Me sowwy me did not wite my blog

My Gwand-ma and my Gwand-da went away to bwing Miss Polly back to Unca Tim place.
Bernie do not wite in his blog because me was too busy. Bernie had to take care of litta Heidi and my Mummy while my Gwand-da and my Gwand-ma was away so me was too busy to wite in my blog.
Now Evewybody say "Why don't you wite in your blog Bernie?"
Me do not care what evewybody say but now my bestest fwend in de world what is called Hughie say he wish I wite in my blog evewy day and so now Bernie vewy sowwy he do not wite evewy day.
Fwom now on me will wite in my blog evewy day for my bestest fwend in de world called Hughie.
Bernie is going to show you a pikcha of a fwend pussy cat called Silver. She is a vewy old pussy cat and she got a bootiful house all of her own.
It used to be a puppy dog house but now it is Silver's house and she sleeps in it.
Bernie wish he had his vewy own house like dat.

Sunday, 8 January 2012

My Mummy home now - again

My Mummy ask why don't Bernie tell evewybody dat she home again after she be gone to help Aunty Kim move in to her noo house.
Hmmmm me did not know dat Bernie has to tell evewybody about his Mummy.
Bernie fink all his fans only wants to hear about Bernie.
Anyway My Mummy come home and she step on my tail and dat hurt so me scwatch her. Me did not mean to hurt her. Me just got a big fwight when my tail hurt.
Bernie and Heidi and Polly has been taking turns eating and sleeping and lookin awound. We sometimes sleeps at de same time and even near each uvver because we all look for de best place to have a litta nap.
So if anyone weants to know what Bernie do all day here it is:
Bernie sleep,
Bernie wake up and go for a litta walk,'
Bernie has some dindins
Bernie sleep,
Bernie wake up and go for a litta walk,'
Bernie has some dindins
Bernie sleep,
Bernie wake up and go for a litta walk,'
Bernie has some dindins
Bernie sleep,
Bernie wake up and go for a litta walk,'
Bernie has some dindins
Bernie sleep,
Bernie wake up and go for a litta walk,'
Bernie has some dindins
Bernie sleep,
Bernie wake up and go for a litta walk,'
Bernie has some dindins
Bernie sleep,
Bernie wake up and go for a litta walk,'
Bernie has some dindins
Bernie sleep,
Bernie wake up and go for a litta walk,'
Bernie has some dindins
Berne sleep,
Bernie wake up and go for a litta walk,'
Bernie has some dindins
Bernie sleep,
Bernie wake up and go for a litta walk,'
Bernie has some dindins
Bernie sleep,
Bernie wake up and go for a litta walk,'
Bernie has some dindins
Bernie sleep,
Bernie wake up and go for a litta walk,'
Bernie has some dindins
Bernie sleep,
Bernie wake up and go for a litta walk,'
Bernie has some dindins
Bernie sleep,
Bernie wake up and go for a litta walk,'
Bernie has some dindins
Bernie sleep,
Bernie wake up and go for a litta walk,'
Bernie has some dindins

Hmm you gets de idea?

Thursday, 5 January 2012

A Big fwight

Today Polly give evewybody a big fwight.
She sneak out and wun away.
We all lookin for her - Well Bernie and Heidi don't bovver lookin for her. We don't care - We know she come home when she get hungwy and when she want a cuddle.
Gwand-ma and Gwand-da lookin for her wif her speshul beep beep beep fing what supposed to go beep beep beep when it find her.
But it don't go beep beep beep.
Den Bernie say to Gwand-ma " Miaow" and dat mean "Don't worry, she come home herself soon"
So Gwand-ma and Gwand-da go and do sum uvver fings and soon in walk Polly and she go and get some din dins and she go out to de back Vewandah again.
Evewybody say "Where you come fwom?" and Polly look at dem like dem silly and say "Who? Me?"
Oh well. Me suppose her Timmy Daddy will be glad when she come home.
Luv fwom Bernie

Wednesday, 4 January 2012

Polly Pussy Cat helps Gwand-ma

Bernie did not know about Polly Pussy Cats helping. My Unca Tim wot is Polly's Timmy Daddy wuns a big meeting wifs fousands of peoples and Polly help him. She SO CLEVER.
Me did not know how clever she is.
Now my Gwand-ma is helping my Unca Tim by doing sumfing on de puter.
Polly know she doing dat so Polly jump up on de desk and sit in fwont of de puter and help my Gwand-ma just de same as she helps her Timmy Daddy at home.
Polly tell me all about it.
She sit dere on top of de keyboard so dem keys dont bounce off. Dat how she help.
Polly is a vewy vewy clever meeting organising pussy cat.
Luv fwom amazed Bernie

Tuesday, 3 January 2012

Katy tell me a dood idea

My Katy tell me a dood idea. Me ask about de visitors.
Sumtimes we knows when visitors comes and sometimes we does not know.
When dem come, if dere is no-one to meet dem, dose vistors has to wing de doorbell. Den Bernie wuns to de door to butler dem in.
Today be vewy hot again. Miss Polly Pussy Cat go outside and she sit under de big bush and she stay dere ALL DAY. She only come out when Gwand-ma tell her to come inside and have some dindins when it nearly getting dark.
Bernie never know a "stay in de one spot" pussy cat like dat before.
She amazing.
Bernie is a litta bit sad. His Mummy has gone away wif Aunty Kim cos Aunty Kim goes to a diffwent town to be de pwincipal of de school dere and my Mummy go wif her to help her move in her house.
My Gwand-ma show me dat house on de puter. Dem bofe come back at de weekend cos my Aunty Kim has got pussy cats and she comes back to bwing my Mummy home to me and to get her pussy cats and bwing dem wif her to de new house.
Bernie always miss his Mummy when she gone somewhere but Bernie know dat it important and so he do not mind.
My Aunty Kim say she got some medicines fwom Unca Jim wot is de vet so she can give dat medicines to her pussy cats so dem do not be sick when dey in de car.
My Aunty Kim fink ske might need to take some of dat medicines too but My Mummy say no she must not take pussy cat medicines and she need to stay awake when she dwiving her car. Me hope dem be all wight.

Luv fwom Bernie

Monday, 2 January 2012

Anuvver hot day

Today be vewy hot so we does not do works outside in dat hot. We do works inside wif dat air conditioner on.
Bernie was busy doing de butlewing late last night although we did not get any visitors.
Bernie wait out de fwont in case some visitors come. Dat what de butler do.
We only got my Aunty Kim come to visit.
Well Bernie waits all day to see who comes to visit. Dat is Bernie job.
So Bernie goes back to work now
Luv fwom Bernie

Sunday, 1 January 2012

Happy Noo Year

Dis be a noo year so evewybody saying Happy Noo Year.
So Bernie say it too, "Miaow miaow mow."
Now you knows how to say it in pussy cat language.
It getting vewy hot here.
Miss Polly pussy cat want to go outside and play.
We be vewy careful about letting miss Polly pussy cat go outside to play cos once before when she visit us she go outside and wun away and get lost for 5 days.
Now we only lets her outside when sumones is watching her.
Today while my Mummy and My Gwand-ma gone to church, Gwand-da let miss Polly go outside to play and Gwand-da watching her and den him blink and she wun away sumwhere.
Gwand-da get vewy wowwied and him dwiving awound looking for her but Bernie find her and tell her to go home so she wun home.
Evewybody be vewy glad.
My Unca Tim will be vewy angwy if we lose his pussy cat.
Luv fwom Bernie