Earfquakes

Well Hewwo Evewybody,
You know dat litta pussy cat called Heidi wot lib wif me?
Well she was in de gawage an she climb up on sumfing and she knock sumfing over.
It make a biq cwash and she come wunnin out weal fast. She get a big fwight.
Den she go in de lounge woom and she see a fing on de telebishun about a Earfquake.
She say "OOOh Unca Bernie! Look what Heidi did"
I say "Wot you do litta Heidi?" and she say "Me made a very big crathh. and it turn into a earthquake."
Bernie say "No you didn't litta Heidi, you just made a cwash in de gawage not a earfquake. Dat earfquake is a long way fwom here."
"Well it frighten me" said litta Heidi and she step on de wemote so it turn off. "Dat better" say litta Heidi, "Now I go out-thide and find the remote and turn of that crath out-thide."
Well you know what my dood listening peoples? She still out dere lookin.
Wot I gonna do wif dat litta pussy cat?
And me has a message for my dood fwend, Oscar. Me ask Mr. Nicklas not to wead my email in Oscar's bewy important pwogwam and also, Is Oscar going over to dat Earfquake place wif his hekkalopter to help peoples?

Luv fwom Bernie